About Me

First of all, one of the biggest identities that we carry around with us in life is our name. It's what we use to introduce ourselves, it's what people call out when they want to get our attention. We put it on all of our stuff, and use it to sign important things. So my real name isn't Davin. I made it up. Are you mad? I hope not. A lot of authors have pseudonyms, right? For the time being, this will be mine. Everything else will be true, I promise. I also promise that I do have a real name and I like it. I identify myself by my name because that's me. On this blog I want to be able to talk about things that I'm not extremely open about but I'm getting there.

After our name, there are tons of different things that we could use to identify ourselves depending on who we're talking to. Some of my choices are that I am somebody's son, brother, or friend. I'm an engineer. I'm a musician. I'm a Mormon. I like ice cream. And I'm...gay. Yeah, that's the one that I have had a hard time with and I'll talk about that more soon.

So, to pick a second thing that I would use to identify myself, I think it would be appropriate to use the big picture that I talked about in my previous posts. I am a son of God! That's really cool to me, because it means that I have great potential. I'm going somewhere. I'm proud to have that relationship with my Heavenly Father. I belong to and I am a part of Him.

Third I would identify myself by my family. My last name isn't Garrett, but I identify myself with my real last name that I got from my father and on up the line. I am his son, I'm a grandson, great grandson, and so on. I enjoy looking at my family history and learning about those people that came before me and made the choices that influence my life. I'm here because of them. I have a great immediate family. I'm a brother. They have taught me a lot growing up and now that we're all grown, we're all in the same boat of going through life enduring to the end. I'm thankful for them and their love for me. I'm also an uncle and a nephew. I'm surrounded by people who are stuck with me, but we like it.

Fourth, I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm a Mormon. This means that I have made sacred covenants with my Heavenly Father to repent of my sins and follow His commandments. This does not mean that I am perfect (or that I think I am), or that I am better than those who aren't members of this church. Remember that we are all still children of God working on the same goal.

Fifth, let's throw in the engineer thing. I went to school and got a degree and now I have a job. Engineering interests me and I love designing and building cool things. I want to make a difference in the world and I want to do well in my career.

Now that we're getting down far in the list, things aren't as important as an identifying feature. Walking down the street and introducing myself, I would use the above 90% if not more of the time. I like those identities and I believe that they are the real me. They aren't everything that makes me who I am though. I have character and personality. I like movies, ice cream, Italian food, music, hiking, biking and a lot of other things. Deeper than that, I love people. I love connecting with people and being a part of their lives. I love seeing them overcome difficult things and become better people. I feel like I can understand people. I also am a listener. I like to listen more than I like to talk. I like to enjoy the moment. I also like to lead. I like to see things organized and working well. I like to solve problems. I could go on, but I hope that you get the point. I'm me, all those things in one individual person that I get the pleasure of being forever.

An important thing that I've realized though is that there are parts of me that just aren't quite there yet. For example, I'm lazy sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to do things because it's easier to relax. I know that I need to get up and out and do more things, and that's something that I want to change. I also need to work at getting better at learning engineering. I'm getting experience while I work, but I need to do better at wanting to put in some extra time to really learn more things. This life is about learning and changing and developing ourselves into something greater. I would hope that I'm not finished becoming who I am going to be for the rest of eternity. Seeing my potential, that would be a let down. There are definitely things in my character that I'm going to keep though. I want to keep my piano skills and make them better. I want to learn how to play more instruments and sing better.

And then we come down to that gay thing. I find myself attracted to men rather than women. Where does this fit? I don't think that I'd put it in my list of things that I like in normal conversation. Yeah, I like ice cream, Imagine Dragons, good looking guys, Italian food, and riding my bike. At the same time I can't put it in the list of things that I don't like because that would be lying. Do I put it in the list of my character traits that I want to stay around forever, or do I put it in the list of things that I want and plan to change? And more importantly if I put it in my list of things that I want to change, can it really be changed at all?

For most of my life, it has been put in the list of things that I would like to change about myself. I wanted it gone. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want it affecting my other goals and dreams of growing up, serving a mission, getting married, getting a job, and living life the way I always wanted to. But no matter how much I tried to get rid of it, it stayed. On the other hand, I could never really add it to the list of the things that I wanted to have stay around forever because it did not fit with the plan that Heavenly Father and I have for myself.

So, maybe it get's put in a new list. I think that Paul had a list like that, his thorn in the flesh. Do I accept that I'll have this with me throughout my life until the end? And then maybe then it will go away with the resurrection? So, this new list...I'm putting being bald in there too because this hair just isn't growing back. Can I put my lack of skill at basketball in there as well? Is this a place where I'm putting things that I've given up hope on? That doesn't quite seem right to me. Because unlike basketball, having same gender attraction affects my life a lot. It affects my desires and what I want to choose. I also think that same gender attraction is not just one thing. It can be broken up and exploded into many little things that could go in a lot of different lists of things I like, dislike, can change, can't change, and maybe new lists altogether.

I don't think I'm going to figure this out right now. This is definitely what I'm trying to work out, so maybe it will make more sense next time I write.